Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Let’s Analyze This 2…


: Celebrities…Marital Issues…And Interviews.

Why do Nigerian female celebrities feel the need to discuss their marital failures in the open is one
question that has been on the lips and minds of most people lately; with this new trend of interviews a week or few weeks after the announcement of a marital separation between a celebrity and her spouse or two celebrities, one wouldn’t blame people for asking this question.

On the 9th of March, 2017, I watched Tonto Dikeh’s interview on the reasons for the break of her marriage with some colleagues of mine and as she started to speak, people began to make all sorts of careless comments, like, “She did not hold an interview before she got married, so why is she doing it now?” “She certainly saw these signs in the man before she married him, so why is she complaining now?” “The same cane they flogged the first wife with, is in the room waiting to be used on the second wife?”. At some point, I cut in and suggested that she might really be hurting with the way she was crying and one person went, “Oh please, I do not believe this crocodile tears, the lady acts for a living, crying must be one of her many acting skills”.

These comments can be said to be mean, but they convey an important point, people do not really care. When one is going through a rocky marriage, one should seek solutions or help and not to talk about the issue in an interview session. Simply put, people have pre-conceived notions about you and no amount of explaining will change their notion. So if your intention for holding this interview is to seek the sympathy of the masses, then I must tell you that you are going about it the wrong way. You are a celebrity, which means that you are famous for your works, which also means that a set of people really like what you do or you as a person and those people are called ‘Your Fans’. Your fans like you either ways. They like you married or single. They like you in a blissful marriage or a rocky one. They like you already; you do not have to hold an interview session to reaffirm or revalue this.

In as much as I understand that with divorce comes several emotional phases; for Nigerian celebrities who hold interviews after the announcement of a divorce or marital separation, it could look staged. It is beginning to look like a plan, like celebrities feel the need to curry favor when they have marital issues. It now feels like a special interviewer has been prepared even before the breakup, so once it happens, you invite this person to tell your own side of the story and look like the good person.

Do I doubt your story? No. Am I saying that you are not hurting? Certainly not. But take a minute to look at how it looks from the outside: You announce that your marriage has gone down the rock and few weeks after this announcement, you hold an interview where you state all the negative thing that your partner did to you and not one thing that you did all through your time in the marriage. I know some men can be asses, but any man that is out to just hurt an angel he married into his home is certainly sick. So unless you want us to believe that your husband or ex-husband is a sick man, you need to stop the interviews. Or at least tell us your part in all this. Do not just sit and state all the horrible things the man did with no mention of any fault from you.

The internet doesn’t die, you have a child or children and they will grow up to see these things. You cannot say that your intention for the interview is not to make your husband look bad or tarnish his image and go on to say ugly things about him in that same interview. You cannot say that you wish you could wipe off all the wrong things written about you on the internet and go on to add to it. If you end up going back to your marriage with this man that you have spoken ill of –which is not an impossible thing, after all, words are being carried of Tiwa Savage hooking up with Tee Billz-, what picture do you expect your children to have about you and their father when they watch your interview? How do you expect your children to look at you? What kind of psyche do you want your children to have? We all really have to understand that when a child is involved in a broken marriage, no matter how much we want to hurt our spouses, it is no longer only about us and our spouses; it is about us, our spouses and the child involved. Actions taken out from whatever –anger, sorrow, sadness, frustration etc.- have their repercussions.

You say that your intention is to stop him from doing the things that he does: from his aggressive behavior and abuse of his spouse, which is a good cause. But holding an interview to tell the world what he does is not the right way to go about it. Instead, it looks like you are scaring other ladies away from your man, like you are showing them the picture of you brutally beaten so they can take cue from you and run away from him. What we should realize is that a lady who will go after another woman’s husband will go after him with her eyes fixed on the goal, which could be his money, comfort or whatever catches their fancy and nothing else. If you want to fight Domestic violence then fight it for you, women before you and women still in it, so instead of holding an interview session, you could go to an NGO, find legal ways to create awareness and fight domestic violence, charge him to court if you may and you do not need our consent to do this, because, it is your business and not ours.

Do I wish these celebrities didn’t hold the interview? Oh yes I do. Can I take it back? Certainly not. So why am I written this article? For the future. For anyone who might go through squabbles in their marriage and feel the need to vent loud enough for it to leave a scar on the face or body of their spouse. If you ever get to that point where you need to scream to the world, to tell them how much you hurt in your short-lived marriage, take a minute and check Psalm 46, particularly verse 10 which says “Be still and know that I am God” and realize that that interview will not reduce the pain you are going through, it wouldn’t even do anything for you. You just have to learn how to stay still and let God fix it all for you. Because neither the internet, the interviewer nor the masses can do shit for you.

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  1. While I don't subscribe to holding an interview session. I also think it's not bad for an abused individual to speak out after a bad marriage.
    Why? It could help him/her heal. Also, people are quick to judge when there's a break up, as much as we don't owe anyone any explanation for what goes on in our lives except God, if you don't speak up, people will talk, misjudge you and the likes.
    And yes, you're indirectly doing your bit to protect the next person who has his/her eye on thr abuser as well as protecting others from potential abusers.

    1. Good perspective to it.Thank you for sharing.

  2. I visited this site from LinkedIn but I am unable to read your message because the design hurts the eyes. White on black? Why not black on white?

    1. I took to your advice. I hope you can read it now.Thanks a lot for the suggestion.

  3. Nice write up Omy.

    I believe that someone who is a victim of domestic violence, should speak up. If this is the reason for their divorce or split then I think she/he needs to speak up.

    An interview, as you have clearly stated, might be going too far or not be the best way,but I see no other way of making it public. Therapy might be recommended but doesn't always work.