Proposal? No… I won’t scream and act all surprised!
Or cry, or act like I did not know it was coming because we must have had conversations in that light before the ring came. Eighty percent of my mind must have been expecting it the day it came. Maybe I am just strong hearted or maybe my discussion with my mentor changed my thinking radically.
I, like most single ladies, amscared of marriage. You know that feeling of not being sure of the exact thing behind the curtain? The feeling that every one, well almost everyone, has been assigned a package and whatever is inside your own, is your cross to carry.
If you are lost at my description of marriage, then welcome to my mind. CONFUSED!
These days, I have become the personal pastor of a lot of people, most of whom have no clue that I exist. I mean, once I flip through social media these days, one out of ten photos is somebody getting married; then I will start to imagine how the smiles on their faces would fade away as soon as their first major misunderstanding is introduced and how that might lead to a divorce. That’s the point when I start to pray for a blissful and long lasting union for them.
Worse still, it is not when married people take to social media to show the world how happy they are, that scares me; it is the feeling I have that nature hates to see happily married couples so much so that the moment a couple shows the world how happy they are, it almost always leads to a divorce.
Now divorce isn’t the only part of marriage that puts me off guard. One other thing that shakes my belief system is the outrageous number of married men that ask us single ladies out. If I am to be sincere, I turn down these men not on the fact that having sexual intercourse with a married man is adultery but because of their wives.
When he calls me and is willing to talk to me for hours at night, I start to wonder where his wife is at the time. Like did he have to stay out late into the night to have this conversation with me? Or, does he just park in his compound and remain in his car? More baffling, is he in his house, lying to his wife that I am some business partner? What is he doing and how is he able to talk to me that long?
I once had a funny experience, well, we both had a funny experience. Let me tell you about it:
This man was a client I was dealing with in my previous place of employment. Being a sales person, there is a thing line between being nice to a client and giving in to his advances until he has bought your product and you, earned your bonus.
Now this man was all shades of nice to me. He was helpful, resources, reliable, at some point I was almost certain that the thought of being God to me must have crossed his mind once or twice. Every time I call his bluff, he threatens to liquidate his loan with my firm and service some other company. He was a big shot, so I ended up relaxing.
This fateful day, it was my birthday. I, of course, didn’t have a boyfriend – lol @of course, moving on swiftly – so nothing special was planned for that day. I was feeling the usual way a lady who just added a new year to her life and was ‘boyfriendless’ feels – old, lonely and hopeless, that is. Then, his call came in.
“Why do you sound this way?”
“It’s my birthday today and it just feels like a worse day than yesterday. Everything is going on normal, expect the fact that I am getting older.”
“Why don’t you allow me take you on that dinner date you have been running away from.”
I felt old, lonely and hopeless, remember, so I gave in.
We got to the venue and the waiter came with their expensive menu. He ordered with so much confidence so I followed suit. Half way into it, his wife calls and he immediately signaled that I keep quiet. I did and listened to him talk to her.
“Yes, I am with her, one of the new converts I told you about. I am just giving her reasons she should never look back on her decision to follow Christ.”
“Who? Me? New convert? I gave my life to God a year before that”, I kept saying to myself as I made my way out of the restaurant. Oh yes I left! He wasn’t doing that to me and I, to his wife. He could share the food with all the new converts at the restaurant for all I cared, I was going home.
That was the day I placed a call to and fixed a meeting with my mentor. I have never talked about my fear to anyone but this day, I knew that I needed help.
As I recounted my experience to my mentor, surprisingly she just kept smiling. That was sure not the reaction I was expecting to get. Wasn’t she scared? How was she sure this man wasn’t even her husband?
When I was done, she held my hand and said to me,
“My dear, marriage isn’t really only the glitz and glam you see everywhere. It isn’t the pre-wedding pictures and social media posts of the diamond rings with captions of ‘I said yes’. Marriage is for better and for worse.”
I gave her that ‘Here we go again with marriage mumbo jumbo talks’ kinda look. Then she looked me in the eye and said,
“When he asks you the question ‘Will you marry me?’ What he is actually asking you is, ‘Will you be able to stick with me through it all: My flaws, mistakes, insecurities, confusions, happiness, sadness, anger… it all!’ So my dear, when your own question is asked you, just before you post it on social media for the world to see, ask yourself these questions. Will you marry him? Will you stick with him through it all?”
I left her presence a different person.
Now I do not know what the future holds and I wish myself good luck with my package. But one thing I am sure of is that, when I am asked that question, before I flinch and cry and act all surprised, I will ask myself,
“Can I marry him? Can I stick with him through it all?”
*************Single girls deserve to be happy; Shit, we all deserve to be happy*************
Author’s Comment: Oh, I had a good time writing this piece and I sincerely hope you enjoy it. Let me know if you did, by leaving a comment or even some words of encouragement for someone who is in this position in the comment section below. Also, if there is a particular topic you would like me to talk about, just suggest below and we would have an even more interesting time talking about it. Do make sure you also share this with the other single ladies you know, you never know whose soul you might be saving. Always remember, we are single and not dead; life must go on. Abi mustn’t it?